Isn't it interesting how many various meanings there are for words that we use each day, with ourselves and with others?
For example, the word 'should', is often used as a way for someone to impart a suggestion with the option that you can choose to take this suggestion or discard it.
However, 'should' often gets over used and thus interpreted as an order or command without choice involved. This can develop into an internal dialogue of questioning your choices and decisions - Should I do this? Should I not do this?
As a coach I often see how this internal dialogue and questioning with clients, has evolved into indecisiveness and a feeling of pressure to make the 'right' decision. All this from a simple word.
So if you were to replace this word, what would be the best one to use to help you out of this situation? How can you change your thinking by simply changing a single word? How can you communicate and get input without resorting to 'should' conversations? How can you develop a self talk with words that don't imply pressure?
Lots of questions above I realise. One possible alternative to 'should' is the word 'could'. It provides you with choice and options. It also provides you with a chance to engage with reality - 'I could do something about that, or I could leave it as it is which is what I am currently doing.'
This can then offer you the chance to take action or even enquire further into your situation. 'I could act now so that it isn't left as it is'. Even the question 'What could you act on?' from the above communication with yourself, is a more open form of enquiry which can assist you to find solutions for change at a pace that suits you. No pressure, just possible solutions and a chance to change your thinking.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Fixed and Growth Mindsets
I've been reading a brilliant book for the second time this year, about Fixed and Growth Mindsets. One of the most fascinating things about it is how it explains the reasoning behind how children can actually be hindered by too much praise or being labelled as talented.
Professor Carol Dwecks book is highly recommended as a source for assisting you to take a fresh look at how we approach difficult tasks or learning new skills. She provides some great insights into how we can often drop something we loved to do, because we've encountered a mindeset that prevents us from moving forward. What is great about all this is that the Fixed thinking can be altered, if you are willing to put in the time and effort to do so. One particularly helpful aspect of the book is the research done on famous people considered to have natural talent. Michael Jordan is one such example provided, and we learn that his abilities evolved through continued effort, growth and learning. He wasn't naturally talented, he applied himself to the game and when he failed he observed, learned and moved on. His growth mindset provided him with the ability to continue doing this until his success became evident. Others don't seem to see the bigger picture in this instance, choosing to believe that he was a natural talent and born with the skills.
Overall, the study is amazing reading, and what sticks out most is that the focus is on giving a clear and positive message to people that they can change their approach to their thinking. More often than not, people will class someone as naturally talented in some aspect, be it sports, art or another ability. The problem is that when a person who believes this labelling, encounters failure or set backs, they can fall apart. This set back can be viewed as a direct negative reflection on them and draw out fears of exposure at being not good enough.
There are too many great examples to mention, but the blog http://keenkidsathome.wordpress.com/2010/03/26/growing-a-growth-mindset/ gives a great insight as to how parents can use this great bit of valuable information to encourage positive growth in their children.
The link to 'brainology' is also worth checking out!
Professor Carol Dwecks book is highly recommended as a source for assisting you to take a fresh look at how we approach difficult tasks or learning new skills. She provides some great insights into how we can often drop something we loved to do, because we've encountered a mindeset that prevents us from moving forward. What is great about all this is that the Fixed thinking can be altered, if you are willing to put in the time and effort to do so. One particularly helpful aspect of the book is the research done on famous people considered to have natural talent. Michael Jordan is one such example provided, and we learn that his abilities evolved through continued effort, growth and learning. He wasn't naturally talented, he applied himself to the game and when he failed he observed, learned and moved on. His growth mindset provided him with the ability to continue doing this until his success became evident. Others don't seem to see the bigger picture in this instance, choosing to believe that he was a natural talent and born with the skills.
Overall, the study is amazing reading, and what sticks out most is that the focus is on giving a clear and positive message to people that they can change their approach to their thinking. More often than not, people will class someone as naturally talented in some aspect, be it sports, art or another ability. The problem is that when a person who believes this labelling, encounters failure or set backs, they can fall apart. This set back can be viewed as a direct negative reflection on them and draw out fears of exposure at being not good enough.
There are too many great examples to mention, but the blog http://keenkidsathome.wordpress.com/2010/03/26/growing-a-growth-mindset/ gives a great insight as to how parents can use this great bit of valuable information to encourage positive growth in their children.
The link to 'brainology' is also worth checking out!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Interview No.1 - Living a Creative Life
Bob Byrne is a well respected Irish Comic book Artist, who has published a number of comics such as MBleh! and the highly acclaimed graphic novel Mr. Amperduke. He very kindly took some time out to answer a series of questions focused on living a life of non conformity and how his life experiences to date have hindered or helped him to this point. It makes for some interesting reading, and I hope that those out there can take something of value from it and be inspired in their own journey in some way.
NLLC - How does creativity contribute to your life?
BB - It's hard to separate them, for me it's the same thing, it's a creative life!
NLLC - What is your definition of conformity?
NLLC - What type of work were you in from your early teens?
BB - First job was in a pet shop, then I was a forklift driver for ages, then a baker until I got a typesetting job.
NLLC - How does that differ to the work you do now?
BB - I'm sitting at a desk. For years I was either putting a box on a pallet or taking one off. Having a desk allowed me to start drawing on the sly and with a computer I could get up to all manner of creative antics
NLLC - Were there any signs, subtle or obvious, during your normal period of work or non-work that indicated that this way of life wasn’t for you?
NLLC - Was there a time when you were not creative in any capacity?
Yes, when I was 16 I stopped drawing completely and just sat on a wall or in my mates shed smoking for nearly a year. Then again, when I was 21 I gave up drawing for about 4 months in favour of drinking. But other than that I've been busy my whole my life.
NLLC - What made you decide to follow your current career?
BB - I had no choice really. I've been doing the same thing since I was a baby. I mean I could still be working stacking boxes during the day or whatever until I retire but I know I'd still be creating at home in my free time. I have no interest in design but I'm fairly good at it so I'm happy to do that for a living.
NLLC - What type of resistance/obstacles did you encounter when moving into a creative career?
BB - I sort of wanted to go to college to study something but there was no money in the house and I was eager to move out as soon as I could so I suppose the harsh realities of money was a big obstacle. And working a 9-5 and trying to create in your free time leads to all manner of disruptions in your personal life. Trying to stay employed, keep working on your own stuff and still being social is hard. As cold as it sounds, money is the obstacle that stops people from a creative career.
NLLC - How did you overcome it/them?
BB - I had a serious girlfriend when I was 22 and having her in my life made me more disciplined, meaning that on the nights I didn't see her I worked much harder because I knew my time was limited. I became organized. Another big thing was ditching friends who were having a 'toxic' effect on my life. Hard to do but it was the best decision ever. They didn't understand that I wanted to spend time drawing instead of going to the pub or whatever, so I just cut them.
NLLC - Do you think location is important to your art and lifestyle? If yes, how so?
NLLC - How important are goals to you and how do you set them?
BB - I set deadlines for everything. Every day I set a list of goals. Filling out the answers to these questions was a goal today. Without a deadline people don't work. Sometimes I'll reward or punish myself for missing or hitting targets.
NLLC - How do you stay focused in your current career?
BB - My focus right now is a little wider than the laser-like concentration I had a few years ago, I moved country and gave up the day job so I'm toying with other things right now. For the set projects I'm working on for others I just think of delivering the best possible work as it always leads to more.
NLLC -What has been your biggest fear to date and how have you overcome it?
BB -Creativity wise? I suppose there were a few years were I was scared of languishing on a couch out of it somewhere saying that I could have made it and that pushed me along to overcome the lethargy. I met a lot of really talented people who never really pursued their dreams and that scared me. Life passes by so fast. Now I'm scared that if I have kids I won't have enough time to work on my own stuff.
NLLC - Is there a person that inspired you to live a life of non-conformity?
BB - My parents I suppose. My Mam was a writer and into all kinds of mystical stuff and my Da is a fantastic artist. They showed me you can still make a living by your own rules.
NLLC - What qualities/values do you possess, that assist you in your creative journey in life?
BB - I'm never happy! I get depressed when I'm not working on something so I always stay busy. Sounds weird but it keeps me working.
NLLC - What was it like to receive your first payment for your work?
BB - I got a bigger thrill out of being published than getting paid. I started selling illustrations around 18 but didn't get published until my early 20's. I can't remember what my first paying gig was.
NLLC - What keeps you going in this life of non-conformity?
BB - It's not a choice for me to be a non conformist, it is a choice to try make a living on creativity alone. I've met so many people who try to be different just for the sake of being different. Is a goth a non-conformist? I don't think so. The most genuine non-conformists I know are people who work a 9-5 but by night they get up to all kinds of things.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Creating the life you want
Over the next couple of blogs I wanted to explore the whole art of non-conformity from the perspective of how you go about creating the life you want. This whole subject has fascinated me as a direct result of stumbling across a blog created by Chris Guillebeau, and ever since reading his blog I've been thinking deeply about the key traits that help people to really push out of their normal routine and strike forward doing work that they love.
We are conditioned from an early age to 'fit in'. With this comes a series of beliefs and ideas about how lives 'should' be conducted and lived, and what social norms are acceptable. All too often the strongest belief that emerges is that in order to get on well in life you must work in a job that you will probably not like and work hard for a living.
The idea of carving out a career in any creative field or subject you love and earning a living in a non traditional way, just invokes feelings of fear. There are those that find themselves in nurturing and encouraging environments however, and this provides them with a new perspective and belief system that following your passion will create your success.
So what environment and set of conditions, can assist you to get the best results and help you create the life you want? So far determination and passion are coming up as key traits. Over the next while though I intend post up some interviews conducted on this subject, to explore how people keep going even through the confines of natural conditioning, to create a life more in sync with who they are. I will start with Irish comic artists that are carving out a career for themselves in a very specific artistic field, and see where it goes from there.
I see life as a series of tests and opportunities to learn more about the human spirit. Part of this journey I believe, is connecting to your passion and finding the courage and strength to follow it wholeheartedly. No one said it would be a walk in the park....or maybe this might simply be another form of conditioned thinking and we're ultimately creating a harder path for ourselves by denying our true calling.
Either way the process of discovery is what the purpose of this blog is about so we'll see where it goes.
We are conditioned from an early age to 'fit in'. With this comes a series of beliefs and ideas about how lives 'should' be conducted and lived, and what social norms are acceptable. All too often the strongest belief that emerges is that in order to get on well in life you must work in a job that you will probably not like and work hard for a living.
The idea of carving out a career in any creative field or subject you love and earning a living in a non traditional way, just invokes feelings of fear. There are those that find themselves in nurturing and encouraging environments however, and this provides them with a new perspective and belief system that following your passion will create your success.
So what environment and set of conditions, can assist you to get the best results and help you create the life you want? So far determination and passion are coming up as key traits. Over the next while though I intend post up some interviews conducted on this subject, to explore how people keep going even through the confines of natural conditioning, to create a life more in sync with who they are. I will start with Irish comic artists that are carving out a career for themselves in a very specific artistic field, and see where it goes from there.
I see life as a series of tests and opportunities to learn more about the human spirit. Part of this journey I believe, is connecting to your passion and finding the courage and strength to follow it wholeheartedly. No one said it would be a walk in the park....or maybe this might simply be another form of conditioned thinking and we're ultimately creating a harder path for ourselves by denying our true calling.
Either way the process of discovery is what the purpose of this blog is about so we'll see where it goes.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Relationship Meltdown
Over the last 18 months, I've seen an alarming amount of relationship breakdowns due to the stress and strain of living. Even relationships that had appeared healthy and functioning well, came under the hammer. The ripple effect of such breakdowns can have a very negative impact on the family and friends associated with the couple, let alone the children involved if the couple have their own family.
What is creating such extreme situations that people feel there is no way out other than to break up? What has occurred that permitted you both to forget what attracted you to each other in the first place? Has it run it's course? Are you complete strangers? Is there a possibility of recovery or is it best to part ways completely? (By the way, in the case that any abuse is taking place then it would be recommended that you put your safety first and leave the relationship - http://www.spunout.ie/health/Relationships.)
What really strikes me in all this is the tired feeling emanating from both sides, that the situation occurred having finally thrown the towel in after many years of putting up with things. Tired of the whole mess, the whole slog, the routine, the lack of togetherness and passion...the list goes on.
What does this ultimately mean? In many respects these situations can be avoided. In the last number of years, more and people people are finding enlightenment. They are beginning to realize that there is more to life than punching in numbers and routine. In a need to rediscover themselves their journey can become single minded and sacrificial. The energy and excitement of rediscovering a passion for a hobby long forgotten or a taste of freedom on being independent, making new friends and finding a new life...these are all positive experiences.
With this type of change though, a partner can often feel left out. They are not sharing the journey directly. Resentment can build up unless both partners are experiencing similar journeys or at least making efforts to show interest in each others new life. This can be the start of the problem and it can also be an instrument for venting frustrations and feelings of neglect or resentment that were held in to keep the peace.
How can such a beautiful new journey have a negative impact? It is asking someone to change, indirectly, to fit in with a new life and way of being...and they may simply have not been ready for it. Things cannot stay the same forever, being able to adapt and move with it helps tremendously. Sometimes it can be difficult even to communicate to each other as you may find you've reached a stage where being uncivil to each other is the norm.
So what can you do? Wake up. Be real. Remember what you both committed you. Remember what attracted you to each other. Find something you love about that person. If after clear, communication and honest review of your life without judgement of each other and mud slinging, you find that the relationship has simply come to an end, then honour that. Honour each other by admitting it. The truth of such things unburdens and allows a clearing to take place.
On a lighter note, you can also take a glance over at what planetary aspects are occurring that have an influence on things! Mercury retrograde can make things quite difficult in communicating clearly and openly...it is easy to get the wrong end of the stick and fly off the handle during this time. We're currently in one, so if you find a miraculous end to arguments or being peeved at one another after the 11th May...then blame it on the retro!
What is creating such extreme situations that people feel there is no way out other than to break up? What has occurred that permitted you both to forget what attracted you to each other in the first place? Has it run it's course? Are you complete strangers? Is there a possibility of recovery or is it best to part ways completely? (By the way, in the case that any abuse is taking place then it would be recommended that you put your safety first and leave the relationship - http://www.spunout.ie/health/Relationships.)
What really strikes me in all this is the tired feeling emanating from both sides, that the situation occurred having finally thrown the towel in after many years of putting up with things. Tired of the whole mess, the whole slog, the routine, the lack of togetherness and passion...the list goes on.
What does this ultimately mean? In many respects these situations can be avoided. In the last number of years, more and people people are finding enlightenment. They are beginning to realize that there is more to life than punching in numbers and routine. In a need to rediscover themselves their journey can become single minded and sacrificial. The energy and excitement of rediscovering a passion for a hobby long forgotten or a taste of freedom on being independent, making new friends and finding a new life...these are all positive experiences.
With this type of change though, a partner can often feel left out. They are not sharing the journey directly. Resentment can build up unless both partners are experiencing similar journeys or at least making efforts to show interest in each others new life. This can be the start of the problem and it can also be an instrument for venting frustrations and feelings of neglect or resentment that were held in to keep the peace.
How can such a beautiful new journey have a negative impact? It is asking someone to change, indirectly, to fit in with a new life and way of being...and they may simply have not been ready for it. Things cannot stay the same forever, being able to adapt and move with it helps tremendously. Sometimes it can be difficult even to communicate to each other as you may find you've reached a stage where being uncivil to each other is the norm.
So what can you do? Wake up. Be real. Remember what you both committed you. Remember what attracted you to each other. Find something you love about that person. If after clear, communication and honest review of your life without judgement of each other and mud slinging, you find that the relationship has simply come to an end, then honour that. Honour each other by admitting it. The truth of such things unburdens and allows a clearing to take place.
On a lighter note, you can also take a glance over at what planetary aspects are occurring that have an influence on things! Mercury retrograde can make things quite difficult in communicating clearly and openly...it is easy to get the wrong end of the stick and fly off the handle during this time. We're currently in one, so if you find a miraculous end to arguments or being peeved at one another after the 11th May...then blame it on the retro!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Having a creative outlet
Isn't it funny how you can be an enthusiast about a hobby in your 20's and then find that later in your life this passion was simply dropped and forgotten about? Isn't it strange that the very interest that gave you purpose and a sense of happiness was the first thing to go when life got serious and busy?
How many times have you found yourself simply choosing to 'take care of the responsibilities' rather than taking the time to revisit the hobbies and interests that gave you a spark and inspired you. I often find that over time, you may be lucky enough to revisit and rediscover your passion, and fully engage with this long lost creativity that gave energy to your weary soul. In some cases though people feel silly revisiting this aspect of themselves, seeing it as self indulgent nonsense, and dismiss it for the gift that it is.
You can't deny your creative urges. You can't keep them under wraps for your entire life. You can choose to ignore it but it is harder to do this than it is to actually embrace it. Why is this so important you might ask?...because it is part of who you are. In denying your creativity you deny your true essence. You deny part of your soul and you ultimately deny yourself a chance to fully embrace life and all its colours. Having a creative outlet is as necesary as breathing, it provides you with a chance to explore, dream and be yourself 100%. We all have it, it isn't exclusive and it isn't always about being able to draw well or paint well. Creativity comes in so many different forms and shapes, and if you find yourself unsure what your outlet is then simply allow yourself to be open to ideas on how to express yourself. It could be writing a story, a poem, photography, doodling, knitting, painting, gardening, dressing up, dancing or singing!...who knows! The point is to give it a chance to breathe and you'll find yourself more full of life, energy and happiness in the long run.
How many times have you found yourself simply choosing to 'take care of the responsibilities' rather than taking the time to revisit the hobbies and interests that gave you a spark and inspired you. I often find that over time, you may be lucky enough to revisit and rediscover your passion, and fully engage with this long lost creativity that gave energy to your weary soul. In some cases though people feel silly revisiting this aspect of themselves, seeing it as self indulgent nonsense, and dismiss it for the gift that it is.
You can't deny your creative urges. You can't keep them under wraps for your entire life. You can choose to ignore it but it is harder to do this than it is to actually embrace it. Why is this so important you might ask?...because it is part of who you are. In denying your creativity you deny your true essence. You deny part of your soul and you ultimately deny yourself a chance to fully embrace life and all its colours. Having a creative outlet is as necesary as breathing, it provides you with a chance to explore, dream and be yourself 100%. We all have it, it isn't exclusive and it isn't always about being able to draw well or paint well. Creativity comes in so many different forms and shapes, and if you find yourself unsure what your outlet is then simply allow yourself to be open to ideas on how to express yourself. It could be writing a story, a poem, photography, doodling, knitting, painting, gardening, dressing up, dancing or singing!...who knows! The point is to give it a chance to breathe and you'll find yourself more full of life, energy and happiness in the long run.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Remembering
Is anyone else finding themselves forgetful these days? Over the last 2 months the amount of important tasks and must do things that I've forgotten has risen significantly. It would be nice to say it is down to age but that is such an easy get out excuse it doesn't work!
Small everyday routine tasks suddenly become - 'what was I doing?' and 'who was I calling?' and even in some cases just a complete blank on it. According to emails from friends, I'm not alone in this situation either.
So what is occurring...is it a shift in our consciousness that is creating this forgetfulness? Is it a shift in the world and commerce and our way of living that is causing confusion? We could say it is both.
Over the last while people are beginning to 'wake up' to what is important in their lives. The changes forced upon us via the recession are causing many of us to sit up and take notice about how we spend our time, money and energy. This has created a 'shift' in our perceptions around how we live and how we want to live. With a decrease in the number of jobs on the market and ongoing redundancies, this also causes a shift in how we do things, and often the old tried and tested way or routines just doesn't cut it anymore.
So how do we keep our heads screwed on amidst all this change? We stay in the now. We focus on the present and we get what can be done, done. Compiling a list of daily to do things and putting them on a wall in the kitchen, hall or home office space, can at least help you to be reminded. Using a white board or a printed off sheet can help you to keep track and mark things off as you go along. You can still plan for the future while being aware that changes and adjustments can be made easily along the way.
I for one will be using a task list sheet in the present AND the future! : )
Small everyday routine tasks suddenly become - 'what was I doing?' and 'who was I calling?' and even in some cases just a complete blank on it. According to emails from friends, I'm not alone in this situation either.
So what is occurring...is it a shift in our consciousness that is creating this forgetfulness? Is it a shift in the world and commerce and our way of living that is causing confusion? We could say it is both.
Over the last while people are beginning to 'wake up' to what is important in their lives. The changes forced upon us via the recession are causing many of us to sit up and take notice about how we spend our time, money and energy. This has created a 'shift' in our perceptions around how we live and how we want to live. With a decrease in the number of jobs on the market and ongoing redundancies, this also causes a shift in how we do things, and often the old tried and tested way or routines just doesn't cut it anymore.
So how do we keep our heads screwed on amidst all this change? We stay in the now. We focus on the present and we get what can be done, done. Compiling a list of daily to do things and putting them on a wall in the kitchen, hall or home office space, can at least help you to be reminded. Using a white board or a printed off sheet can help you to keep track and mark things off as you go along. You can still plan for the future while being aware that changes and adjustments can be made easily along the way.
I for one will be using a task list sheet in the present AND the future! : )
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)