Sunday, May 9, 2010

Relationship Meltdown

Over the last 18 months, I've seen an alarming amount of relationship breakdowns due to the stress and strain of living.  Even relationships that had appeared healthy and functioning well, came under the hammer.  The ripple effect of such breakdowns can have a very negative impact on the family and friends associated with the couple, let alone the children involved if the couple have their own family.
What is creating such extreme situations that people feel there is no way out other than to break up?  What has occurred that permitted you both to forget what attracted you to each other in the first place?  Has it run it's course?  Are you complete strangers?  Is there a possibility of recovery or is it best to part ways completely?  (By the way, in the case that any abuse is taking place then it would be recommended that you put your safety first and leave the relationship - http://www.spunout.ie/health/Relationships.)
What really strikes me in all this is the tired feeling emanating from both sides, that the situation occurred having finally thrown the towel in after many years of putting up with things.  Tired of the whole mess, the whole slog, the routine, the lack of togetherness and passion...the list goes on.

What does this ultimately mean?  In many respects these situations can be avoided.  In the last number of years, more and people people are finding enlightenment.  They are beginning to realize that there is more to life than punching in numbers and routine.  In a need to rediscover themselves their journey can become single minded and sacrificial.  The energy and excitement of rediscovering a passion for a hobby long forgotten or a taste of freedom on being independent, making new friends and finding a new life...these are all positive experiences.
 With this type of change though, a partner can often feel left out.  They are not sharing the journey directly.  Resentment can build up unless both partners are experiencing similar journeys or at least making efforts to show interest in each others new life.  This can be the start of the problem and it can also be an instrument for venting frustrations and feelings of neglect or resentment that were held in to keep the peace.
 How can such a beautiful new journey have a negative impact?  It is asking someone to change, indirectly, to fit in with a new life and way of being...and they may simply have not been ready for it.  Things cannot stay the same forever, being able to adapt and move with it helps tremendously.  Sometimes it can be difficult even to communicate to each other as you may find you've reached a stage where being uncivil to each other is the norm.
 So what can you do?  Wake up.  Be real.  Remember what you both committed you.  Remember what attracted you to each other.  Find something you love about that person.  If after clear, communication and honest review of your life without judgement of each other and mud slinging, you find that the relationship has simply come to an end, then honour that.  Honour each other by admitting it.  The truth of such things unburdens and allows a clearing to take place.
 On a lighter note, you can also take a glance over at what planetary aspects are occurring that have an influence on things!  Mercury retrograde can make things quite difficult  in communicating clearly and openly...it is easy to get the wrong end of the stick and fly off the handle during this time.  We're currently in one, so if you find a miraculous end to arguments or being peeved at one another after the 11th May...then blame it on the retro!